Dear Ryan,

It was so great to see you up here...and I love how much your parents like me. Sometimes I feel like the adopted daughter, and sometimes I feel like the girlfriend of 2 years. We get along great and you're honestly one of my best friends. I feel like if I met you now maybe I'd have a crush on you, but I've known you for so long (4 years!) that to me you'll always be my good friend I can cuddle with whenever I want. I'm completely comfortable around you, too...You're one of two guys I fart around. And while that might not seem like a nice point to you, it really is a compliment. Sometimes I worry that you like me and that somethings going to happen to make things awkward between us. I couldn't imagine not having you as a friend. Honestly. So sometimes I talk about boy problems or do something else to make sure you know I don't want to date you. Maybe that makes me a bitch, but I can't fathom the idea of hurting you or not having you in my life. Maybe we will end up getting married like we joke about all the time. To be honest, I couldn't imagine having sex with you, but I wouldn't mind living with you the rest of my life....you make some good spaghetti.

Love,
Me

Dear Sean,

A year ago today, hell, 6 months ago, I wouldn't expect we'd even be talking...much less getting into our personal lives. To be honest, everyone tells me I shouldn't waste my time talking to you, and that I'm just going to get sucked into more emotional bullshit and drama that I don't need to deal with...but I can't just drop you like that. For whatever reason, I still care about you and want you in my life. You hurt me a lot in the past, but I got over that awhile ago. I still think you lost interest in me when you found out I wouldn't sleep with you. You say it's because we were too different, but, honestly, that didn't bother you until I stopped you that one day. And it was downhill from there. I appreciate you're recognition of being an asshole, and I see you're a good guy...but I just don't want to come back to you for anything more than a friendship. To be honest, the fact that we're even as close as we are as friends right now blows my mind. I wish you'd stop alluding to wanting to hook up with me, though...I made it clear I wasn't interested and I'd like you to understand that. I think you keep forgetting you were my first kiss; my first boyfriend. Everything was weird and new for me and you had no idea...we didn't communicate at all. We were never meant to be together romantically. When you told me the other night that you want me now than ever before, all I could figure is that now I'm sexually active and drink and smoke, so you have a chance. I hope you realized you don't. Sean, it would just be too weird...and, really, truthfully, if I met you today I wouldn't go after you. I'm confident now, and am making myself learn to be picky. You know that, though...I told you that. I do appreciate your friendship though...I honestly do. I just think our experiences together have been strange, and never really natural. ...you probably disagree.

Sincerely,
Me

Dear Ian,

You're only around for a few more days and I'm afraid of never seeing you again. You'll never understand how much the last few weeks mean to me. I realize that we were never dating, and I did my best to not get attached. I don't think I am, and I made a conscious effort not to fall for you. I do know, however, that if we were both living in the same city permanently I would have fallen hard awhile ago. You've been treating me better than anyone I've ever been involved with. You're one of the first guys in a long time who hasn't made me cry. And maybe that's because we haven't been around each other long enough...maybe if we were still around each other a month from now you'd have the chance to really hurt me and confuse me just like previous guys...but for some reason I doubt that. I like hanging out with you, and I like spending the night. I was really surprised the day I after I spent the night for the second time...when you wanted to spend the day with me. I wasn't expecting that at all. Even though we're not together, and really nothing more than friends with benefits, I guess, this has been more of a legitimate relationship than I've had in over a year. You made me realize what I can have. I've always known there are good guys out there...I know a ton, but thanks to you now I feel like I can find one to be with. I don't want to settle for 1am calls anymore. You said we'll see each other before you leave, and I hope that's true. Thank you for giving me good memories that I can look back on without any regret. Thank you for walking me home that night, and for holding my hand as we walked down the street. Thank you for letting me be myself, and laughing at all the weird things I do. Thank you for remembering pretty much everything I say...it really amazes me. Thank you for making me breakfast. Just...thank you. You probably have no idea how all of this has made me feel. You're sweet and wonderful and...I'll never forget you. Good luck with all of your awesome plans. I do hope we'll cross paths again one day.

I really will miss you,
-Me.